Anxiety Attack
By Mallory Whitten

i have been having an anxiety attack for the past two hours

i no longer drink but i’m an alcoholic
which means there is no longer a constant stream of alcohol going through my blood ensuring that another human can’t grow healthily inside of me

i don’t shit blood anymore
recently i barely shit

the shit builds inside of me

causing me to burp
& feel nauseous
& take laxatives
& feel warm
& act bitchy
& pee often
which are all symptoms of being pregnant

every time i’ve taken a pregnancy test
i’ve been wasted in the company of another wasted person

currently i’m neither

i am thinking about the term “wasted”

what i am is lying in my bed
where i’ve been for the past two hours
craving xanax
unable to tell a boy who “loves me” what is going on
because i suspect he loves the idea of me
not the actual me who burps & shits


mallory whitten lives in ohio