Cut Up People More Beautiful
By Emily Horn and LK Shaw

(Illustrated by Emily Horn)



10:53 AM
me: everyone is in a meetig

meeting
10:54 AM
i have nothing to do

welcome to the good life

12:35 PM
Emily: that's pretty great
12:36 PM
i was going to buy a computer yesterday because for some reason I thought I had enough money



me: haha

you have one already...

Emily: but then it turns out that I didn't have enough after that to pay for food much less rent

me: god damn

Emily: I just sort of checked my bank account to be like "oh of course i have enough but.."
12:37 PM
yeah

so no computer

me: oh no

i don't check my bank

Emily: yah I try to avoid it

me: oh dear

well at least you're working now
12:38 PM
Emily: yeah that's true

me: god damn i hate money

Emily: it's hard to think about
12:39 PM
I don't even know why!
12:40 PM
me: not sure

feel like i'm entitled to more than i have

because it has no value

only life has value
12:41 PM
i'll still be depressed sometimes if i'm rich

but it seems like it would be more fun

if i could be like 'lets go somewhere else now, come on'
12:42 PM
and pay for all my friends to live great lives

think that would be good

Emily: that would be good

12:43 PM
I had a bunch of money once and I bought my dad a 600 dollarwatch



and he never wore it because the strap pinched his wrist

but also he left it downstairs on the kitchen table for 3 months

and he said later that he liked to keep things on the kitchen table so he could see them

haha
12:44 PM
he always leaves his gifts on the kitchen table

we don't eat at the kitchen table its usually just covered in stuff

so its not like we sat there staring at it
12:45 PM
but like, it was always there

until he finally moved it for some reason

I never said anything
12:49 PM
me: i want to publish this chat
12:52 PM
Emily: you probably should
12:53 PM
me: it feels like shabby doll

Emily: I just wrote a review of internet banking
12:54 PM
while we were on the subject

me: haha

i feel like you should illustrate this chat
12:55 PM
while we had this chat, i photocopied an iranian passport

Emily: everything is coming together

me: should we walk somewhere later? are you better?
12:57 PM
Emily: oh I would but I'm not better and also I have to teach from 4-6 and then I have to look at an apartment from 7-730 and then another apartment at 8pm

:(

otherwise yes

me: god damn

one day i'm going to walk home from here, it's 7.5 km, seems like the perfect distance

hope you feel better soon
12:58 PM
Emily: thanks!

7km

that's pretty far to walk

12:59 PM
me: thought it was further

feels like i should cycle here now i know that

not that i have a bike currently
1:00 PM
Emily: I think I'll start cycling once I get better and my metropass runs out
1:02 PM
me: a woman walked by and said 'projected' and 'bigger picture' and 'long term' and 'media involvement' really passionately

Emily: oh wow

me: i felt scared and like i wanted to trip peoplp
1:03 PM
people up*

Emily: hahahaha

me: on my lunch break i'm going to sit on a bench and listent jayz and drink monster



Emily: i suddenly feel like I should do marketing

like

me: are you still an entrepreneur?

Emily: at my old job everyone in the marketing department just made jokes and sat on beanbags
1:04 PM
oh yah

but I was going ot buy a computer for my startup

and then I realized I couldn't do that

I'm still reeling from that blow

me: goddamn

Emily: it's fine because I'm going to use TKs computer

me: whats wrong with your current one?

Emily: well I can't draw on it

it can't run editing programs

like
1:05 PM
my drawing program

me: oh

we need that

Emily: it can't open sometmes

yah

me: to illustrate this chat

Emily: hahah
1:06 PM
me: maybe get the kids in your art class to do it

seem progressive

Emily: oh that would be the best

man, I want to make a self portrait

out of magazine clippings

the kids did that

and they're so grotesque

I feel like it's such a good medium to do a self portrait

you have so little control over how it turns out
1:07 PM
you just sort of flip through magazines and find skin tone that kind of matches

and cut up people that are more beautiful than you

to make your face

and make eyebrows out of the sides of buildings

me: i would make buildings out of the sides of my eyebrows
1:08 PM
Emily: hahah

i just felt kind of high for a second thinking about that
1:09 PM
i'm trying to decide whether I should spend 200 dollars on a tablet

or not

I probably should

you have to spend money to make money

but if I don't use it

I will use it though

i just don't want to spend 200 dollars

me: whats up with your curret tablt?

tablet
1:10 PM
Emily: it doesn't work

:(

me: i feel like you are technologically advanced

Emily: i have to be to be an internet entrepreneur
1:11 PM
i mean except that my laptop is from 2006 and I don't understand websites

me: people keep phoning me

Emily: I do know that if I have a tablet I won't have to scan things

probably should answer it to get paid
1:12 PM
me: you can scan things on them?

that's amazing
1:13 PM
Emily: no I think you can't :) but if I draw things then I won't have to use a scanner

like if I draw things on it

staples has a sale on scanners right now



me: oright

oh *

Emily: so I'm torn
1:14 PM
me: how much is a scanner?

Emily: 150 bucks

I just feel like

scanners are the most boring technology

it's like

when you buy a printer sometimes you have to have the scanner too

and you think 'that just makes it bigger'

and feel resentful towards it
1:15 PM
me: yeah that seems ridiculous expensive for a scanner

Emily: i guess it's a good one

me: i want a scanner too

are you sure you don't want a value vllage one?
1:16 PM
everyone is laughing really loud in the lunch room
1:18 PM
seems annoying

Emily: i think i want a value village one

but if I bring it home and it sucks
1:19 PM
i feel like i can only blame my optimism

I think that's what you do in an office

you work and then you laugh in the lunch room

that's how you know you fit in

me: you should put a thing on craigslist
1:20 PM
'i want a free scanner. you don't even use yours. i need one. i will collect it from your house. thanks'

don't think i fit in, god damn,

haha

i like sitting on my own listening to jay z with energy drinks more than laughing with them

1:21 PM
Emily: hahah @ scanner ad

I wonder if that would work
1:22 PM
me: i think it would

Emily: every time I fit in in an office I get this sinking feeling like i'm giving in

I don't even know what!

i'm giving in to

but it feels like I'm just giving up on something
1:23 PM
I mean I guess I couldn't stroll in and draw a cowboy riding a smiling penis

and somehow that feels limiting
1:24 PM
i'm watching watercolour youtube videos
1:25 PM
me: i'm giving in

for a few more days at least

Emily: ar eyou laughing now?

me: haha no i had a serious face

Emily: laughing as they laugh in the lunchroom

me: laughing now you said that

ok im going for lunh

lunch
1:26 PM
god damn key board

see you later probably

Emily: have a good lunch!!


***
5 days after this conversation occurred, Shabby Doll House acquired their first scanner (free from craigslist). The images in this conversation were brought to you by that very machine.