By Roshan Abraham

Spree car insurance were so nice. When we discussed my premium, deductibles and insurance coverage, they asked me what *I* wanted. They wanted to know what was best for me! When I got into an accident, before they even asked for the details, they asked me if I was okay! I said yes. Then they paused and and asked, no, I mean... are you really okay?

Well I just collapsed to the floor right then and there and cried and I cried and I cried and I said, no, no I’m not okay. I’m empty inside. My life is a shell game with little pieces that I palm and hide from myself, and shift around to distract myself from the fact that there’s a gaping pit inside me and I can’t fill it. I’m empty, I’m like a locust shell stuck to a tree, hollow, atrophied pinchers clinging to the bark with sick dead eyes staring out into the firmament. There’s nothing “there”, Spree Car Insurance.

You know how some wasps have parasites that override their instincts and decision making, you know, their motorfunctions are working but they have no willpower or control? That’s what I am. I am a dog barking in the rain and you wonder what the dog is barking at, but I’m also the phantom that the dog is barking at. My children don’t seem real. My life doesn’t seem real. I filled myself with these little objects and routines for years and years to give it meaning but it was all just busywork, like ants building a hill without knowing what it’s for. I’m a fucking automoton. I am just dead language and the raw nerves of language laying next to it. I said this to Spree Car Insurance. And the representative for Spree Car Insurance said “haha what? There is no one on the other end of the phone, boo.”

And it was true, the phone was just floating in mid-air and I was not there to hold it. I ran outside looking for any echo of me but saw only a ghost hiding behind a tree. I saw young girls in running shorts wearing their college jackets and on the back where the logo should have been it said “There Is No One At The Other End Of The Phone, Boo”. Crying and running and looking for a place that feels like home and seeing none, I was mowed down by a truck. On the side of that truck was a billboard that read, There is No One At The Other End of the Phone, Boo. Below it, the phone number for the 24 hour emergency service help line for Spree Car Insurance.

They make everything really convenient and my car insurance was really great. Thanks!

-Actual Real Customer!


roshan abraham lives in new york